{here's how we make the world a better place}

_Stop making fun of people for auto correct typos. Auto correct needs to get its crap together, we all know that. We can't always be on top of it. We've tried, we've failed. Time to move on with our lives. And I feel like all the time we waste making fun of people for typos is time we could spend curing cancer or making a decent Superman movie. (#lowkeyburn)

_On the train, your space is your space and my space is mine. Listen, gentlemen, I see you. I know that on the train we're not supposed to make eye contact but when you sit next to me I see you with your peacoat and your samsung and your fashionable jawline scratch. I see you weigh about the same as me. Heck, you may even weigh less, and I forgive you for that. But I fit in my seat. Look at me, legs together, backpack on my lap, not intruding into anyone else's world. Like, don't worry, you be you and I'll just be here listening the Welcome To Night Vale. No problems. But you, that's a different story. You just need to chill. You've got your body fanned out and relaxed and no, it's cool, I guess you own this train and I don't have a corporeal form that you're shoving elbow up against. Don't be that guy, stick to your box.

_I really don't care when you got into twenty one pilots. I don't, honest. You shouldn't either. I'm happy that you've had them in your life for such a long time, that doesn't make you better then me. I could just as easily listen to their old stuff. In fact, I think I will. And then I will cry. Because twenty one pilots.

_Everybody should be your different favorite. I don't have many friends. Those I do I cherish. My Mom is my favorite Mom because she does the Mom things. My Sean is my favorite Sean because he's awesome at Sean-ing. My Mocho is my favorite Mocho because she's a technically cat but she doesn't let that stand in the way of her being a dog. Everyone can be your favorite something.

_Kingdom Hearts 3. Let's make it happen people. No more 2.8 bull.

_Smile at people in hallways. I get it. You're repulsed by me in general, I'm repulsed by you in general. It's not an ideal situation. But honey, the day ain't getting any better and we've still got eight hours of it so let's just pretend.

_If people are pretty, tell them. We hear at least 10 negative things about us a week, let's add something nice to the mix. Don't worry, I'll start. I like your bow tie. Bow ties are cool.

_Toilet etiquette. If you don't know it then let me refresh you. Gentlemen, seats down when you are finished. This bothers people. I don't know why, but it does. People in general, replace the roll when it's gone. I promise you the person behind you will not notice until it's too late. That's not on them, that's on you. Don't do that to people. Lastly, if the toilet is clogged, inform the master of the house. Yes, you will be embarrassed. Yes, the master will be mad. I feel like you'll get over it.

_Pregnant people eat pickles. That's not really a life lesson, just something I learned that's interesting. Kinda a tongue twister too. Pregnantpeopleeatpicklespregnantpeopleeatpicklespregnantpeopleeatpi-

That is all. For now. 'Til next time nerds.