Good day. My name is Nikki. I graduated college today. I have a book out for submission. I just finished reading Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett. I recently found out that Heart Bound is a game that exists, which has me really jazzed. At the end of the month I'm leaving what will probably be the best job I'll ever have other than writing. Who knows what'll happen next.

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, photos? Yeah. Photos.
(Credit: Faith O'Leary)

Here's an old one of me for my friend's birthday.

Here's a pretty cool one of me for a buddy's photo project.

Here's one of me dancing at a friend's wedding.

Here's me setting up at said friend's wedding.

Here's a cool one I took for my website  that I never ended up using.

And... this one is from a day I spent with my friends in Downtown Chicago.

_News: switchswitchswitchswitchZELDASKYRIM._



Let me set up a scene for you. We’re in a Panera in the heart of Chicago’s south loop. It’s smack dab in the middle of three overlapping college campuses and during that awkward part of the day that’s not-quite-noon and not-quite dinner, when you’re starving but not allowed to admit it. The place is comfortably crowded, there’s still a solid amount of students lingering after the lunch rush with laptops open and plates littered with bits of lettuces and crumbs. Coffee flows freely, the smell of strong brew permeates in the air. There’s one, maybe two tables open with enough room for you and your squad. One of them is small but the other one clearly hasn’t been cleaned yet. Seats are taken, snacks are ordered, pages are out and felt-tip markers of fanciful colors are at the ready.

Now, the simple answer is to pass whatever work you have with you to the right, but writer’s aren’t simple. You’ve brought a couple of pieces, at request. There’s chapter 6 for buddy A-but don’t give it to buddy B because they’re not there yet. You specifically want buddy C’s opinion on this snip it from chapter 11 because you were emulating them while writing it and want to know how you did. You’re not the only one who brought more than one piece, of course not. Arms tangle together and voices combat each other for attention as every piece of paper on the table gets shuffled at least twice. At some point during this frenzy the waitress arrives and drops the food right in the middle of that mess.

At the ends, everyone’s got their own pile to work on. A silence falls over the table as eyes scroll past lines and lines of words.

Buddy A stops mid-read, looks up at buddy B, and slowly shakes their head. Buddy B looks smug. You worry about the pain about to be inflicted on your precious cinnamon roll, whom you’re fairly certain is in the scene that is currently disappointing buddy A. Not even five minutes later, you hear a small gasp from buddy C. Try as you might, you fail to smoother the grin that comes to your face. Buddy B snorts and scribbles a rather passionate note. In the piece sitting in front of you, you find yourself underlining every two or three sentences. You can’t help it. All of the imagery being used, it puts you to shame in all the best ways.

You are the first one to finish reading and, as such, have nothing to do but to stare at your buddies until they are done. You take this opportunity to go to the bathroom/refill your mug/actually eat something. One by one all Buddies finish. Rinse and repeat.

Finally, everyone is finished with all the reading and takes turns commenting on each other’s work. Buddy A’s sensory detail is poetic and beautiful, but they could use a little more inner monologue to connect with the characters. Buddy B’s dialogue is on point, all they need to do is keep writing. Buddy C got the bare bones but needs to expand on a couple of things. And you, as it turned out, nailed the characters. That’s exactly what you were worried about, so it’s a relief to hear that’s it’s not a problem. On the other hand, your plot is in danger of being convoluted, so best to keep an eye on that.

You glance at the pages you’ve received back. It’s stained in many colors, drawings, and witty remarks on what is happening on the page. Many lines are underlined and given an A+. There is are a couple of O_O, denoting all the tenser parts in the scene. On the last page, a Buddy that writes in blue asks “Why? Why? Did your parents not love you enough?”

Outside it’s getting dark. While Panera was once bustling, it is now comfortable sparse. You and the crew put away your pieces and spend an hour talking about classes, work, and things of a nerdy nature. After a while, you excuse yourself and start the trek home.

_news: *the day after new years* *stares off in the distance, haunted.*_

Guys, the places I’ve been. The things I’ve done. And look it, I made it. We all made it. It’s 2017, and we’re all still here, still taking pictures of our cats in shoe boxes and obsessing over the Nintendo switch.
So, yeah, let’s talk about 2016. It’s been…I don’t even know what it’s been. It’s been incredible, it’s been draining, it’s been heartbreaking and terrifying and unreal all in the same breath. The only thing it hasn’t been is boring. And looking back, I realized I had inadvertently followed through on a bunch of new years resolutions I didn’t even make. Seriously. I ate better, exercised more, advanced my career, and reduced my stress (as much as a college kid can), coming out the other end altogether leagues closer to the type of person I want to be, I found that what had changed was not my life but my perception. Objectively, I’m still in the same place I was a year ago, still have basically the same problems. But now, I feel like I can handle them. My problems don’t knock me down like they used too. So I figured, why not write a sappy post about it. Because, in the end, what else did any of you expect?

So, here. Try doing some of the stuff I did. See if it works for you.


Read a good freaking book.
Not a popular book, not an easy read, a good freaking book. A niche little cult classic that’ll stick with you long after the pages run out. Example, over the break, I read John Dies At The End by David Wong and BOY OH BOY DID IT WRECK ME. That, my friends, that was a good freaking book. The writing snob in me didn’t complain, not once. That...that has not happened far too long.







Eat better.
Emphasis on the better. Don’t be a hero and throw out all of your ice cream in one go, you’re just going to be grumpy and have ants. Start by buying more fruits and veggies. Once you’ve got the hang of that maybe leave Captain Crunch on the shelf next time you’re at the store. Keep making little choices. You’ll get there in your own time.









Don’t stress about _______. 
Whatever ______ is, don’t worry about it. It’ll work out. Humans, by definition, are resilient and resourceful creatures. We naturally adapt to our circumstances and find a way to make it through. As a being with a pulse, you inherit that legacy. And, believe it or not, you can fix your problems and not worry about them at the same time. Revolutionary, I know.










And that is what I’ve got. 2017, here I come.

_News: What even is a second draft._

Let's talk about churches here for a second. About a half a year ago I had a discussion with the leader of the middle school ministry of my church about why everyone seems to be bashing churches and church goers now-a-days. And I mean everyone. Even Christians themselves. Especially Christians, I think. My friends often talk about the flaws that most churches have in regards to policies dealing with mental illness, homosexuality, divorce, and other things that don't fit that "cookie-cutter-christian" mold we know all to well. I hear it in Christian music too, lyrics that insinuate or outright push this idea of "breaking free from the church", being bold and courageous and honest.

Now, me, I'm all for improving church. Let's talk about these issues, let's think of new ways to spread the word, let's be different. But rarely I find that's where these conversations are heading. It's seems like here, much like in other areas, we are collectively content to point a finger at the problems and nothing more. As a result, many people are becoming disillusioned to going to church, even though it's a God ordained element of a healthy Christian life.  (Proof in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:25, Matthew 18:20 and Colossians 3:16.) And, what do you know, little introspective me thinks that at it's core, the problem lies just as much with us as does the church and it's missteps. So, let's focus on that. Let's look at why we're so disappointed at churches and see what we can do to change that. Then we can focus on fixing the problems in church.

First, I'm not sure if we're seeing the concept of church the right way. 


When we think of church, we imagine this, right? The steeple in a barren land. The traditionally nice looking building that's supposed to always be unlocked. And we imagine that when stepping into one, our problems are supposed to melt away. There are supposed to girls in dresses and boys in suits and not a speck of dirt on the ground. And everyone's smiling and chatting and having their bibles out and talking.
Guys, this isn't what church is.

Let me tell you what happens when I, who is probably as cookie-cutter is it comes, walks into church. I'll get there at eight, I'll go into my office and print the chord charts/service orders/slide timecode sheet/so on. I'll go to cafe and grab a cup of coffee, and as soon as I see the kid who's mopping the floors you know we're talking about Pokemon Go. Or Skyrim. Or whatever the heck else is happening in videogames. Then all the high schoolers are going to show up and start yelling at each other about coming after their edges or something about someone in groupchat who's being problematic again. People are going to fill in and stick to their assigned tables with the people their comfortable with. I'll see people come in with their kids looking half dead, some huddle off in corners praying so intensely they might be crying, ministry leaders trying to wrangle their volunteers together to get things running on time. Someone's going to come up to me and tell me that we don't have the right creamer. Someone else is going to come up to me and tell me that the printer's jammed. And one thing that you can always count on is that somewhere, out there, there will always be an air conditioner that's broken. That's all before the actual service begins.

Here's what I'm trying to get at. Church is messing. It's sloppy. It's filled with exactly what it needs to be filled with, sinners. People who cannot be perfect. But we think it's supposed to be and that's where a lot of friction between church and the world comes from. Chances are you're going to hate it for being perfect without taking a single step in, or you will come inside and be salty because it's not.

This is the part where I go on the record and say yes, we don't have everything together. We meet in really old buildings, school gymnasiums, worship centers that smell like dentist offices. We're not always the most efficient group of people on the planet, sometimes we keep really weird hours and can't respond to your emails right away because we're usually made up of really small staffs. We're not always the most polite people on the planet. We don't have all the answers in the world. We get stuff wrong sometimes. Sometimes we know we're getting it wrong, but we stick with our guns because we want to be right and we're dumb. And I keep saying "we" because churches are the body of Christ.  And maybe I'm just the awkward arm hair on that body but that doesn't make me any less a part of it. (Proof Ephesians 4:11-16, Ephesians 5:20, Philippians 2:2, and 1 Corinthians 12:12.)

And, here's the worst part, that is what a church is supposed to be. We are, by definition, a gathering of broken people who just so happen to put our faith in Christ. What did you expect? We're not Jesus. We're not God. We didn't write the Bible, on the best of days we just barely scrape the surface of what it says. We help with problems as much as we can, but we're not answer to them. We like to think we have a hand in helping salvation happen, but we aren't the way to heaven. We teach to the best of our abilities what we should do, what we shouldn't, and how to get closer to God, but we do not make people better. Christ makes people better. Christ is the way to heaven. Christ is the answer to people's problems.

Tl;dr Church isn't God. It's a club of people who happen to like him a lot, for better or worse.
(1 Corinthians 1:10).

That's all I got. 'Til next time nerds.

_News: There is no news. There never was any news. Time is an illusion._

Journalistic quick fire update because I haven't posted a thing-thing here in a while.

-Filmed a video. On my YouTube. Click this sentence. 
-Started school, therefore the irrational fear of forgetting I signed up for a course, never attending said course, and getting an F due to this lack of attendance has returned. (I literally have nightmares about this.)
-Am writing the second draft of Novel-In-Progress, reminding me of the fact that I hate second drafts and making me consider abandoning my life's dream to pursue a promising career as a grocery-store bagger. At the end of the day those guys are the real heroes.
-Submitted a short story about a man with Dissociative Personality Disorder who's other personality is a teleporting vigilante fighting against an alien invasion. Stay tuned to find out if it's half as interesting as that sentence.
-InternshipInternshipInternshipInternshipInternshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
-Me and the writing peeps are already gearing up for NaNoWriMo, THE GAME IS ON.
-Fren got published. Click on fren. Fren=good writing.


That is all. 'Til next time nerds.

_News: Getting geared for draft 2 of novel in progress._